I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
