I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
