I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
