is your mom at the bar?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
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Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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