I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
