Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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