So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
