There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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