Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.