am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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