my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
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I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?