idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
