I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
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Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
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the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.