i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
