Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
