..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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