Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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