i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There r osticjed everywhere
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
