people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
