Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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