My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
