Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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