I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
