Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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