we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
