theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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