so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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