He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
