I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
