You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
