We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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