yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
