And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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