He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
