I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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