Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
