I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
