she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
