The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
