This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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