Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
