Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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