you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
