i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night