I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
MIDGETS
????
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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