I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.