you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
