after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
