Texts From Last Night

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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.

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  (205): Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage. http://tfl.nu/pzck
  Replies (4) Good night (725) Bad night (2818)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her

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  (913): I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her http://tfl.nu/1ar3
  Replies (39) Good night (5919) Bad night (1523)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single

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  (203): The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single http://tfl.nu/a7um
  Replies (13) Good night (5100) Bad night (1011)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.

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  (651): how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts. http://tfl.nu/ixjv
  Replies (634) Good night (5601) Bad night (6565)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way

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  (905): gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way http://tfl.nu/08qt
  Replies (22) Good night (9305) Bad night (1254)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  consequently i now know what mace tastes like

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  (402): consequently i now know what mace tastes like http://tfl.nu/a9b7
  Replies (11) Good night (1740) Bad night (5936)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number

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  (617): i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number http://tfl.nu/mfjx
  Replies (14) Good night (7011) Bad night (1012)
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  (858): View more from California

  Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.

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  (858): Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in. http://tfl.nu/efr3
  Replies (12) Good night (4569) Bad night (1052)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket

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  (817): i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket http://tfl.nu/0h42
  Replies (2) Good night (696) Bad night (2207)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.

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  (847): I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE (1-847): This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to. http://tfl.nu/xeyh
  Replies (15) Good night (4487) Bad night (950)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?

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  (347): I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank? http://tfl.nu/v6b9
  Replies (3) Good night (1001) Bad night (670)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs

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  (902): I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs http://tfl.nu/ena6
  Replies (0) Good night (714) Bad night (330)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day

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  (515): Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day http://tfl.nu/z36i
  Replies (6) Good night (1105) Bad night (380)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.

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  (724): We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point. http://tfl.nu/0a5d
  Replies (3) Good night (611) Bad night (300)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?

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  (412): he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question? http://tfl.nu/r5st
  Replies (4) Good night (695) Bad night (413)

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