I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
