i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
