So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
