there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
