Got a toothbrush?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
