Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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