Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
