he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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