I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
