I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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