please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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