Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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