No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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