Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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