I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine