If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something