i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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