I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
