it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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