Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
