And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Your cock deserves a montage
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
