Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
