Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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