i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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