taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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