you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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