Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
