I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
