Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
