never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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