I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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