I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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