youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
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you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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