i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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