Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
