I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
